1st June - Silent Sunday

http://www.cosmicgirlie.com/silent-sunday/

Neighbourhood Walk

Our local neighbourhood here in Pune is a lovely one. 
As part of our introduction to the area we take guests on a neighbourhood walk to help familarise them with the some of the local people, temples and shops and to try and make them more comfortable walking around in a different environment on their own.
I love this walk, anytime in India you can see amazing stuff, and a lot of it happens right on our door step.
Yesterday I went with Sailee and Dinaz two of our local staff girls who live in Phule Nagar on the neighbourhood walk introducing our six new staff members to where they will be living.

 This is where we start our walk, right outside the gates of Sangam and the first thing we see in the No Parking zone is this lovely lady.

Alandi Road is a busy main road, it has two-five lanes of traffic depending on what time of day, how many cars bikes, lorries, vans and bikes are out there. Crossing it can sometimes be pretty tricky. We now have the convenience of a bridge over Alandi road saving us from the nightmare. But it is a skill everyone should learn. How to safely cross the road in India takes some bravery, committment a little bit of stupidity and then just going for it.

I rather enojoyed the teenage boys hitching a ride on the top of the truck in the above pic. They were waving at me taking their photo. Everyone wants their photo taken in India.

The lovely Sailee and Dinaz on either end of the group tour!

First stop on the walk was to one of the houses on the opposite side of Alandi Road. Padma who is one of our ladies who works in the kitchen (and makes us all awesome food) lives there with her husbands family.

This is Tarabai. Padma's mother in law, and also a former Sangam staff member. She is 84 and her husband is 94. She speaks great english and welcomed us all into her home.  

 It's really good that we get to vist local houses. They are always so wonderfully looked after and the families welcome us so warmly, answering all our random questions and introducing all the family. Tarabai showed us into her kitchen with her huge variety of cooking supplies and utensils and also inside her spice tin. Which smells delicious!

We then walk into the Phule Nagar colony, it is considered a middle class colony and homes around 300 families, many of Sangam's staff live here.

This lady was setting up her vegetable stall on the corner of the road. I liked that her stall was actually a bed frame. Everyone has creative ways to use different things here.

Sailee then let me talk about Ganesh as he is my favourite Hindu God outside his Temple. I love Hindu God stories and there are so many of them. How Ganesh got his elephant head is always a good introduction story to the mysterious ways of the Gods. I also like to ring the bell hanging in the entrance to let the Gods know I am there.

We walk a little further up the road and there is the Mosque and Dinaz tells us about the muslim prayer times and that they face west when praying towards Meccah, and then backing directly onto the Mosque is a Church, and then across the road another temple this one dedicated to the Godess Durga, and further down the road is a Buddhist Temple. It always amazes me that in this one small neighbourhood so many religions live side by side with no issues. UK and other countries should all visit Phule Nagar to see how easy it is to love your neighbour no matter who they are. Everyone is the same on the inside! 

We walk further and wave to Sailee's mum who is outside their house, she asks if we are here for a visit but not today. We just point out which house so the SVs know for future visits.

We walk past the corporation school, which is closed for the summer holidays, noticeable by the amount of kids playing out in the streets. Running around playng cricket, on bikes and chasing each other with pots of water in the heat.

We show the Svs our Doctors office, hopefully no one needs to go there anytime soon.

Stop at the rickshaw stand and wave to some of the familiar faces there and then it's time to actually cross back over that busy road to get back to Sangam.

Miraculously the cars and bikes, lorries, buses and every other mode of transport seem to melt away and we stroll across quite casually, arriving at the Datta temple one of the last stops on the tour where a wedding has been held recently and everyone is clearing away all the decorations and mess from inside.

Sailee then leads us along to the entrance of Indira Nagar, which is the slum community that is right next door to Sangam which was formed in the 1980's as an authorised to clear the streets of Pune for the arrival of the Queen. Totally sounds like something the British would expect right?

It is a legal slum meaning the government owns the land, and permits people to live there, and the houses belong to the occupants. It is a middle to lower class colony and has the same amount of land as sangam which is 7 acres, yet houses over 10,000 people in this small space, which I find incredible. Again many of the Sangam staff live here and the mosque we hear the regular call to prayer to is very close to the entrance. You can see the minaret in the picture below.

 Then it was back to Sangam for dinner. Arriving at the Sangam front gates I wanted to take a photo to capture the beautful colours of the trees that are flowering. The camera didn't quite do them justice but the orange and pinks are lovely!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I have been unbearablely excited for about 2 weeks now. Finally I am at the height of being able to contain myself because I'm flying home from my Indian home to my actual home back in England for 10 days and there will be lots of great things happening.

I don't ever get homesick, I always embrace my travel adventures wholeheartedly and when it is time to come home get pretty upset about it.

But I am here for a year, and no one is more surprised than me that I actually miss home. It is super hot here right now and having a British Spring/Summer even with grey clouds and rain will be a welcome break for sure.

I am a carnivore through and through. I hit the rice wall 2 months back and struggle to eat it now and I really really really miss home food!!! I want a roast dinner, some Bellini's action, sausages, bacon & cheese oatcakes, chilli beef, yorkshire puddings and tonnes of gravy, even a ham sandwich is impossible to replicate in India, even good bread is not the same!! I will be bringing my suitcase back to Sangam stuffed with food supplies to help my cravings when I am away. It really is the small things that you miss.

Major exciting things when I get home are seeing my Godson Luigi. He was born in September 2013 and I was there for the first 3 months of his life. He is now 7 1/2 months old and is doing so much on his own, recently started crawling and eating solid foods and I cannot wait to have some cuddles with him and give him the cute gifts I bought for him.

I also can't wait to meet up with all my friends who have already arranged to see me!! My friends mean the world to me and it means even more that in the short time I am home so many of them want to catch up with me and hang out so I cannot wait to see all you guys and hear all the news and what's been happening while I've been away!

Next weekend I will be going with my family for the first family wedding for a very long time, and the first that I have been to as an adult for a close family member, which is my lovely cousin Gem and her fiance which will be a very special day, getting to spend time with everyone to celebrate their day and if I am feeling brave I plan to wear the Indian dress that took me such a long to find especially for this occasion.

And the Finale,
 


the big moment I have been waiting for!! Saturday is the BIG day for me as well as Becky (Didi) and my friend Rachael as we are going to the long awaited McBusted concert. Everyone knows I am a huge Busted and McFly fan. When we heard at the end of last year that Busted have reformed and joined with McFly to form a supergroup and I knew no matter where I was in the world I would not be missing this concert for anything or anyone. I have literally been waiting 10 years for this to happen and I think on Saturday itself all three of us will be jibbering wrecks, I will not able to control my teenage inner fangirl any longer and I will very probably cry with joy when they actually perform! It will be AMAZING and is totally worth the 8 hour flight, plus 3 hour layover in Abu Dhabi, plus 4 hour car ride to Mumbai!!!!!!


Photos of all the fun will be coming soon!

Saying Goodbye

For those of you who have not been to Sangam, I will let you into a secret. Sangam has a very important tradition when it comes to saying Goodbye. For those yet to come (hint, hint VISIT ME!!) I will not spoil it.

However, if your visit to Sangam has had any sort of affect on you then the finale when we send you on your way seals the deal – and it can be quite emotional. Why am I telling you this? Well let me go back to the last post I wrote when I updated what I have been up to, which was around a month ago…

My last photo post  was of the Rickshaws which we arranged as a Surprise for the Tare and we all had such a great afternoon learning to drive with Deepak and Raju our favourite Rickshaw drivers up and down the drive within Sangam’s grounds.

 Rickshaw racing

 Deepak and Raju are literally the best and most fun drivers around!

 Sitting like the Indian drivers do - no need for pedals!

This was the end of March and the start of the closing few days for the Tare both the March group and the 12 week group.

 My whole group of Tare (plus Fer, Laura and Chenda)

Honestly, I feel so privileged to have been part of each of their experiences here. Seeing them have such a great time together, the friendships that have been made and I know will have such a lasting effect on them all, then hearing about all the incredible things they were able to achieve at site each day. Each and every little triumph made me smile deep inside because it brought back so many feelings from my experience last year and I know they shared the same joy through being a Tare.

And then they all left…  they all did these amazing presentations to sum up their time here, it made me feel pretty emotional about it all, and then one by one they all went on their way, on the next step of their adventures, travelling around India, Thailand, Europe and then home.  The ‘Sangam Goodbye’ was rolled out one after another, and after lots of hugs I did find myself tearing up when these guys left.

It was so strange and quiet without them. Especially as my days have revolved around their activities, and making sure everyone was happy and healthy here. It felt a bit like my nest was empty – the birds had flown away.

Then it was April, and Sangam was very empty and too  quiet. But we had some fun days planned.

Every year we take the local staff on a “picnic” which is just a Sangam family outing. We decided to stay local, we opted for a movie, lunch and bowling at one of the big local malls. It may not sound like anything out of the ordinary for you lot at home but quite a few of our staff live in the immediate local neighbourhoods. They definitely have good jobs working for Sangam but they are by no means rich. So an all expenses day out to the Mall is a fantastic day for everyone. Highlights for me were watching the ladies riding the escalators in the Mall like it was the Oblivion at Alton Towers. They deserved the round of applause we gave them when they managed to get to the top! It was also really lovely to see the ladies reclining in the VIP seats at the cinema. The film was so shockingly bad it was funny, but everyone seemed to enjoy it none the less. Then we had lunch, followed by bowling. Explaining bowling shoes was interesting, luckily we all bought spare socks, and then the whole principle of throwing this huge ball down a lane to knock down 10 pins, but after a few practices everyone was loving it and we had some great team spirit going – no accidents, and even a whole heap of strikes.

 Me, Rach Shuba and Sangeeta at bowling

 The whole Sangam Family

 

Later that same week we had a big clear out at and got together all the tons of stuff that guests leave with us because they’ve bought too many Indian clothes and souvenirs, and had our annual Community Bazaar. It’s basically a jumble sale and raises money for Sangam – everything was 10 rupees, our local staff got VIP shopping privileges first for about an hour, then the rest of the day was the mayhem of the rest of the community coming into Sangam and buying all our junk. Clothes, shoes, kitchen supplies, toiletries, toys, stationery, furniture, doors, bedding. Literally anything and everything was for sale. It was cool to meet so many of our local staff’s families and neighbours and to see how much they bought! We sold a lot of stuff. Since then we have noticed a few of our things being worn by people when we’ve been out in the neighbourhood which is really cool.

 This is what the Community Bazaar looked like!! Mayhem

Then it was time for lots of evaluating and planning for the staff for all the events coming up next season, and figuring out what worked and what we can improve.

And somehow it was time for GOA!!! Which happily coincided with my 29^th birthday.  We had an awesome sleeper train journey down to Goa, 12 hours made shorter by lots of food, wine and singing every song in the songbook accompanied by Jen on her Guitarelele and making friends with other travelers.

We chilled, on the beach, at the pool, in the bar – spent a fantastic evening at the infamous Night Market on the evening of my birthday and then it was back to sweltering Pune. It was a wonderful break and I’m sure I’ll be going back to Goa again before I leave India, it’s the perfect place to unwind.

Then the sad sad day arrived when it was time to say goodbye to some people that I had made really close friends with. We had already had to say goodbye to my darling friend Chenda,  who was such a shining light of happiness and friendship to everyone but then Fer and Laura were  leaving on the same day.

 When you spend so much time with people every day you start to take their presence for granted, but when these guys left and we had to do “Sangam Goodbye” I couldn’t do it. It was like a massive loss for me, for sure one of the best friends I have in my life was going away and she lived in a country a long long way away. I was totally gutted.

 Love these ladies - Fer and Chenda - best friends and work mates you could want!  I miss you x

I asked the long term staff later that day "how do you get used to saying goodbye to good friends over and over again?" It’s really kind of heartbreaking, living and working here we share so much together. All the highs, lows, happy, funny, amazing things, and then there they are there with kinds words, hugs, chocolate and stories just when you need them most to pick you up after a bad day. You kind of have to accept that saying goodbye is part of the experience and how new things and new people come to be. But it doesn't stop me missing them all like crazy!!

Now we have time to get over all these goodbyes. The last of us still standing will remain and although people keep coming and going we wont be having a “Sangam Goodbye” for a quite a while, which is good because I need time for my heart to get over everyone that has already had to leave.

The reality of having a Love Life

It was my birthday earlier this month (we went to Goa it was amazing) now I'm 29! Fuck! I know where did that come from? In my head I'm still 19! and shock horror I have been single for a good while now, but actually even more shockingly for the rest of the world who seem to be settling down, I have been pretty damn happy about it. In that time I have done a million amazing things all 100% of my choosing and for my own happiness!

My whole adult life I have chosen my own path,  going to college then university then work. I chose who to be friends with, who to like and who to trust and fall in love with. This was all supported by my friends and family whether it all ended good or bad but ultimately it was my decision to make and I am 100% happy with the choices I have made because they were mine. I am, for all intents and purposes, "happy and carefree" and I know for a fact not a lot of 29 year olds can say the same thing, So yes I know, I am lucky.


The reason I am writing this is because I have recently been to an Indian Wedding - which some of you may have seen photos on my facebook. A beautiful bride and her family were kind enough to invite us and let the crazy foreigners go in for a close up and ask a lot of seemingly silly questions about the ceremonies and who does this and that and what it all means. I found it very interesting and really thought provoking. India does this to me.

The bride was 18,  (There is no judgement of her on my part she is a lovely young woman who I wish a very happy life.) I simply keep thinking, "What would I be like at 18 in that situation? She was very composed, she had a team of people to help her get dressed and be in the right place for the blessing, passing her water and holding this and that for her whilst she sat beneath glaringly hot lights while a camera man filmed the whole thing so people she barely knew could sit and watch from all over the huge outdoor venue. She walked behind her husband to be, her dupatta tied to his scarf, eyes cast down, seven times around the fire and then they were married. From what I could see, she was everything a good, obedient bride should be.

Firstly I know I have been raised completely differently. In fact Indian parents would have hated 18 year old me, I was disobedient, independent, opinionated, a pain in the arse (my mum would say). I was by no means a rebel, I was much more subtle, but like most UK 18 year olds I did what I wanted, and I wanted to get out in the world, with my friends, with boys, doing everything and anything I could think of that was new and fun. That was definitely never going to include getting married. I can only imagine most Indian 18 year olds are  like this too, right? So why is getting married at 18 on the cards for them and not for us?

The legal age for marriage in the UK is 16!! No one should get married at 16 in my opinion, I don't know how many kids actually do, but I definitely wouldn't advise any young person to do it.  I digress!
In India the legal age is 18 for women and 21 for men, but there is a much more obvious child marriage problem in India, (not to say it doesn't happen in UK, but it is less prevelent) and actual children some not yet reaching double figures are married off to much older men, for reasons of dowry, family honour, poverty, generally girls are not highly valued members of a family or society in general. Having daughters is seen as a costly business, their weddings funds are started up as soon as they are born and in the end what is it all for?
(I really don't understand either why men have a three year wait untl 21, just another glaringly obvious gender equality issue)

So what about love? A good number of marriages for young people in India are arranged by their families.  I have no clue how an 18 year old (with an 18 year old's mentality) agrees to be with one person for the rest of their adult life who has been chosen by their parents and looks ok after one meeting or on paper. There are so many questions I know I can't answer here but I am going to ask them anyway because I keep thinking them. For example; How do you marry someone you're not in love with? Ok so this idea of Love is a very modern western concept, but it's one we are very attached too. In recent British history people married for convenience, wealth, status, it was hardly ever about love. But how does that relationship work? How do you try to develop feelings of Like for someone under the pressure of I'm going to have to marry and live with them anyway? We all grow up, both in the UK, India, the whole world now learning about Love, finding someone who loves you, respects you, but also someone you want to be with, spend time, have things in common, someone who can make you laugh, makes you feel good, makes you happy!
 What parent is comfortable arranging this for their child? Do they really know best?

I think the question for me is? Would I be happy for my parents to produce someone one day because I am still single, who they believe is the best match for me and to arrange for us to get married? Not only that, but would I allow it? Hell No!!!
I don't have that kind of relationship with my family that I believe facilitates this. That is not a bad thing. I don't need my family to be dictating my life. They gave birth to me, but do not own me.  I think that is a point of difference in our cultures where I know familiy relationships are seen as unbreakable ties.

On the other side of this cultural divide I have seen first hand what pressure from one's family can do. How it can force you to make decisions you don't feel you want or should have to make. Family ties being severed for life or an ecrutiating long and lonely time because they don't believe in the way you want to live your life, or the choice in job, lifestyle or partner. And then there is the heartbreak of not being able to disagree or disobey your family's will and the losses you have to suffer on your own instead. Maybe agreeing to an arrangement to keep the peace?!

I know I couldn't do it. Firsly admit to my parents I need their help to find me someone suitable. Ok yes I've not done the best job so far, but everyone makes mistakes. Therefore the reality of my love life is I am 29, and I'm happy I didn't get married at 18, or to my first or any of the subsequent boyfriendseither.
 I am also a sucker for Love and I know that the only time I will say yes to getting married (if at all) is if there is one person I Love and want to be with for the rest of my life. It might not go down in conversation very well in India, but sorry people that's the truth.

Silent Sunday

Photos of the FUN!!!!

By request of someone not my Didi... You know who you are. :D I have been taking photos, just not my own. For the events here at Sangam we have a wonderful fancy camera that I actually love using, and love capturing special moments for the guests here.
I can't put pics of the guests up, but I can share those of the community partners and me and my friends here.
As part of this last event which was Arts Exchange, we had a fantastic celebration evening, with 3 community partners all our guests and staff and we also celebrated Holi....(holi pics were taken very randomly with the waterproof camera without being able to see what was on the screen, I'm impressed they turned out so good!)
Hope you like...

 Some of the girls from the school who learned about songwriting, wrote a song and performed it for us.

 Mummy Cambodia (aka Chenda) dressing Baby Cambodia (aka Srey Loch) in her traditional Camay costume.

 The beautiful MaLau in sari

 Manjusha got persuaded to wear a stunning sari for the occasion by Amanti - both lovely girls

 Izzy dancing with one of the girls from Maher

 Everybody loves to dance at the party

 Girls doing crazy spinning

 Mina and me wanted to try some crazy spinning.

 and no we didn't fall over

 MaLau blending in with the local girls from from Green Tara Foundation.

 Food time, we got dosa made fresh and by this guy!! Made super fast and so tasty

 Pani puri!! Best street food around

 Boys from Maher dancing with one of our local staff ladies Shoba

And now for Holi... This is the before photo of Chenda and Fer... look at the dazzling white

 colour gets thrown

 and sprinkled and rubbed in your hair, face, clothes...basically everywhere then people throw water at you

 Rach got a bit of green in her mouth...yum spinach flavour

 the whole crew

 me and Manjusha had a face wash... it was getting a bit icky

and when it was time to eat everyone wanted to wipe their mouths on my still white in places tshirt. And the after shot with both Chenda and Fer covered in colour.