Saying Goodbye

For those of you who have not been to Sangam, I will let you into a secret. Sangam has a very important tradition when it comes to saying Goodbye. For those yet to come (hint, hint VISIT ME!!) I will not spoil it.

However, if your visit to Sangam has had any sort of affect on you then the finale when we send you on your way seals the deal – and it can be quite emotional. Why am I telling you this? Well let me go back to the last post I wrote when I updated what I have been up to, which was around a month ago…

My last photo post  was of the Rickshaws which we arranged as a Surprise for the Tare and we all had such a great afternoon learning to drive with Deepak and Raju our favourite Rickshaw drivers up and down the drive within Sangam’s grounds.

 Rickshaw racing

 Deepak and Raju are literally the best and most fun drivers around!

 Sitting like the Indian drivers do - no need for pedals!

This was the end of March and the start of the closing few days for the Tare both the March group and the 12 week group.

 My whole group of Tare (plus Fer, Laura and Chenda)

Honestly, I feel so privileged to have been part of each of their experiences here. Seeing them have such a great time together, the friendships that have been made and I know will have such a lasting effect on them all, then hearing about all the incredible things they were able to achieve at site each day. Each and every little triumph made me smile deep inside because it brought back so many feelings from my experience last year and I know they shared the same joy through being a Tare.

And then they all left…  they all did these amazing presentations to sum up their time here, it made me feel pretty emotional about it all, and then one by one they all went on their way, on the next step of their adventures, travelling around India, Thailand, Europe and then home.  The ‘Sangam Goodbye’ was rolled out one after another, and after lots of hugs I did find myself tearing up when these guys left.

It was so strange and quiet without them. Especially as my days have revolved around their activities, and making sure everyone was happy and healthy here. It felt a bit like my nest was empty – the birds had flown away.

Then it was April, and Sangam was very empty and too  quiet. But we had some fun days planned.

Every year we take the local staff on a “picnic” which is just a Sangam family outing. We decided to stay local, we opted for a movie, lunch and bowling at one of the big local malls. It may not sound like anything out of the ordinary for you lot at home but quite a few of our staff live in the immediate local neighbourhoods. They definitely have good jobs working for Sangam but they are by no means rich. So an all expenses day out to the Mall is a fantastic day for everyone. Highlights for me were watching the ladies riding the escalators in the Mall like it was the Oblivion at Alton Towers. They deserved the round of applause we gave them when they managed to get to the top! It was also really lovely to see the ladies reclining in the VIP seats at the cinema. The film was so shockingly bad it was funny, but everyone seemed to enjoy it none the less. Then we had lunch, followed by bowling. Explaining bowling shoes was interesting, luckily we all bought spare socks, and then the whole principle of throwing this huge ball down a lane to knock down 10 pins, but after a few practices everyone was loving it and we had some great team spirit going – no accidents, and even a whole heap of strikes.

 Me, Rach Shuba and Sangeeta at bowling

 The whole Sangam Family

 

Later that same week we had a big clear out at and got together all the tons of stuff that guests leave with us because they’ve bought too many Indian clothes and souvenirs, and had our annual Community Bazaar. It’s basically a jumble sale and raises money for Sangam – everything was 10 rupees, our local staff got VIP shopping privileges first for about an hour, then the rest of the day was the mayhem of the rest of the community coming into Sangam and buying all our junk. Clothes, shoes, kitchen supplies, toiletries, toys, stationery, furniture, doors, bedding. Literally anything and everything was for sale. It was cool to meet so many of our local staff’s families and neighbours and to see how much they bought! We sold a lot of stuff. Since then we have noticed a few of our things being worn by people when we’ve been out in the neighbourhood which is really cool.

 This is what the Community Bazaar looked like!! Mayhem

Then it was time for lots of evaluating and planning for the staff for all the events coming up next season, and figuring out what worked and what we can improve.

And somehow it was time for GOA!!! Which happily coincided with my 29^th birthday.  We had an awesome sleeper train journey down to Goa, 12 hours made shorter by lots of food, wine and singing every song in the songbook accompanied by Jen on her Guitarelele and making friends with other travelers.

We chilled, on the beach, at the pool, in the bar – spent a fantastic evening at the infamous Night Market on the evening of my birthday and then it was back to sweltering Pune. It was a wonderful break and I’m sure I’ll be going back to Goa again before I leave India, it’s the perfect place to unwind.

Then the sad sad day arrived when it was time to say goodbye to some people that I had made really close friends with. We had already had to say goodbye to my darling friend Chenda,  who was such a shining light of happiness and friendship to everyone but then Fer and Laura were  leaving on the same day.

 When you spend so much time with people every day you start to take their presence for granted, but when these guys left and we had to do “Sangam Goodbye” I couldn’t do it. It was like a massive loss for me, for sure one of the best friends I have in my life was going away and she lived in a country a long long way away. I was totally gutted.

 Love these ladies - Fer and Chenda - best friends and work mates you could want!  I miss you x

I asked the long term staff later that day "how do you get used to saying goodbye to good friends over and over again?" It’s really kind of heartbreaking, living and working here we share so much together. All the highs, lows, happy, funny, amazing things, and then there they are there with kinds words, hugs, chocolate and stories just when you need them most to pick you up after a bad day. You kind of have to accept that saying goodbye is part of the experience and how new things and new people come to be. But it doesn't stop me missing them all like crazy!!

Now we have time to get over all these goodbyes. The last of us still standing will remain and although people keep coming and going we wont be having a “Sangam Goodbye” for a quite a while, which is good because I need time for my heart to get over everyone that has already had to leave.

The reality of having a Love Life

It was my birthday earlier this month (we went to Goa it was amazing) now I'm 29! Fuck! I know where did that come from? In my head I'm still 19! and shock horror I have been single for a good while now, but actually even more shockingly for the rest of the world who seem to be settling down, I have been pretty damn happy about it. In that time I have done a million amazing things all 100% of my choosing and for my own happiness!

My whole adult life I have chosen my own path,  going to college then university then work. I chose who to be friends with, who to like and who to trust and fall in love with. This was all supported by my friends and family whether it all ended good or bad but ultimately it was my decision to make and I am 100% happy with the choices I have made because they were mine. I am, for all intents and purposes, "happy and carefree" and I know for a fact not a lot of 29 year olds can say the same thing, So yes I know, I am lucky.


The reason I am writing this is because I have recently been to an Indian Wedding - which some of you may have seen photos on my facebook. A beautiful bride and her family were kind enough to invite us and let the crazy foreigners go in for a close up and ask a lot of seemingly silly questions about the ceremonies and who does this and that and what it all means. I found it very interesting and really thought provoking. India does this to me.

The bride was 18,  (There is no judgement of her on my part she is a lovely young woman who I wish a very happy life.) I simply keep thinking, "What would I be like at 18 in that situation? She was very composed, she had a team of people to help her get dressed and be in the right place for the blessing, passing her water and holding this and that for her whilst she sat beneath glaringly hot lights while a camera man filmed the whole thing so people she barely knew could sit and watch from all over the huge outdoor venue. She walked behind her husband to be, her dupatta tied to his scarf, eyes cast down, seven times around the fire and then they were married. From what I could see, she was everything a good, obedient bride should be.

Firstly I know I have been raised completely differently. In fact Indian parents would have hated 18 year old me, I was disobedient, independent, opinionated, a pain in the arse (my mum would say). I was by no means a rebel, I was much more subtle, but like most UK 18 year olds I did what I wanted, and I wanted to get out in the world, with my friends, with boys, doing everything and anything I could think of that was new and fun. That was definitely never going to include getting married. I can only imagine most Indian 18 year olds are  like this too, right? So why is getting married at 18 on the cards for them and not for us?

The legal age for marriage in the UK is 16!! No one should get married at 16 in my opinion, I don't know how many kids actually do, but I definitely wouldn't advise any young person to do it.  I digress!
In India the legal age is 18 for women and 21 for men, but there is a much more obvious child marriage problem in India, (not to say it doesn't happen in UK, but it is less prevelent) and actual children some not yet reaching double figures are married off to much older men, for reasons of dowry, family honour, poverty, generally girls are not highly valued members of a family or society in general. Having daughters is seen as a costly business, their weddings funds are started up as soon as they are born and in the end what is it all for?
(I really don't understand either why men have a three year wait untl 21, just another glaringly obvious gender equality issue)

So what about love? A good number of marriages for young people in India are arranged by their families.  I have no clue how an 18 year old (with an 18 year old's mentality) agrees to be with one person for the rest of their adult life who has been chosen by their parents and looks ok after one meeting or on paper. There are so many questions I know I can't answer here but I am going to ask them anyway because I keep thinking them. For example; How do you marry someone you're not in love with? Ok so this idea of Love is a very modern western concept, but it's one we are very attached too. In recent British history people married for convenience, wealth, status, it was hardly ever about love. But how does that relationship work? How do you try to develop feelings of Like for someone under the pressure of I'm going to have to marry and live with them anyway? We all grow up, both in the UK, India, the whole world now learning about Love, finding someone who loves you, respects you, but also someone you want to be with, spend time, have things in common, someone who can make you laugh, makes you feel good, makes you happy!
 What parent is comfortable arranging this for their child? Do they really know best?

I think the question for me is? Would I be happy for my parents to produce someone one day because I am still single, who they believe is the best match for me and to arrange for us to get married? Not only that, but would I allow it? Hell No!!!
I don't have that kind of relationship with my family that I believe facilitates this. That is not a bad thing. I don't need my family to be dictating my life. They gave birth to me, but do not own me.  I think that is a point of difference in our cultures where I know familiy relationships are seen as unbreakable ties.

On the other side of this cultural divide I have seen first hand what pressure from one's family can do. How it can force you to make decisions you don't feel you want or should have to make. Family ties being severed for life or an ecrutiating long and lonely time because they don't believe in the way you want to live your life, or the choice in job, lifestyle or partner. And then there is the heartbreak of not being able to disagree or disobey your family's will and the losses you have to suffer on your own instead. Maybe agreeing to an arrangement to keep the peace?!

I know I couldn't do it. Firsly admit to my parents I need their help to find me someone suitable. Ok yes I've not done the best job so far, but everyone makes mistakes. Therefore the reality of my love life is I am 29, and I'm happy I didn't get married at 18, or to my first or any of the subsequent boyfriendseither.
 I am also a sucker for Love and I know that the only time I will say yes to getting married (if at all) is if there is one person I Love and want to be with for the rest of my life. It might not go down in conversation very well in India, but sorry people that's the truth.

Silent Sunday