Self Belief

I do have 'Self Belief' as this post is titled - the definition I am loving the most is "trusting in your own abilities" I most certainly trust myself and know what I am good at, and even go out of my way to try new things and get better at stuff I think I suck at.
I know when I have a job I can do it. It's getting someone to the stage where they want to employ me, where they have read my CV and think "Yep, we must have Maxine come and work for us!"

I am applying for jobs right now and finding it very difficult to "sell myself" and know what my skills and strengths are. Being able to write in a way that makes people want to pay me money for using these skills!! Man, that is a job I am willing to pay someone to do.

In the past, people I have worked for have asked me back on several occasions, and this has happened more than once, so I can confidently say I have skills employers want and need. I am a irreplaceable member of any team, so why oh why can I not bring myself to sit down and write a CV that I can be proud to say yep that's me. Give me the job!?

I think the self believe starts to waver when rejection enters the room. I do not do well with failure, rejection or not being good at something. I would rather not try than fail or be rejected. But realistically I know I have to try, it just takes me a long time to get the courage to do it.

I know failure is an inevitable part of life. But I can't help it. I hate that negative overwhelming feeling of "I suck at life" that I always get when I do not succeed at a thing I want to do.

In a previous post I quotes "Doing something and getting it wrong is ten times more productive than doing nothing"

I know this. This is why I feel defeated and unproductive when I put things off and do nothing. I know applying to dozens of jobs and having interviews will get me a job eventually, but right now the process and the thought of not getting a job I want is really blocking my will to try.

However, today I think I have turned a corner because there is a job that has presented itself to me that I really want and have sat down and filled in the application consequently giving myself enough skills and motivation to use in an actual CV that sounds good, and hopefully will sound good to employers and this particular employer most of all.
 From now on, my self belief is going to flow through me at all times and when the time comes I will trust that my abilities will shine through and I will get the awesome job I want!

2015 - New Year's Resolutions

I don't often make or keep resolutions, but there are a few things now the New Year is here that I think would be a benefit to me and make 2015 a pretty memorable year.

1.  Write more - I really like writing. I used to keep a journal growing up and wrote in it nearly every single day, right through my teens and university and I think I stopped when I got to summer camp and my days were so busy I had less and less time to write things down, which was a shame because sometimes the brain needs a way to vent, and gather thoughts and de-compartmentalise things to help me figure out what is really going on. Over the last 2 years I have kept blogs to record the big life changing travel experience and I still enjoy reading my thoughts and feelings on them but when it's a blog on the internet, sometimes I do sensor myself and that is not always healthy. 2015 is here and I have a lot of plans and new life journey stuff going on and I think its time I got the notebook out again and had a handwritten thought filled journal. I'm going to try and write a page a day and make sure I write all things I have in my life that I am thankful for.

2. Get up earlier - I am a notorious sleeper in. My boyfriend Mike is an early riser and gets so much done with his days because he gets up early. Since he met me he does enjoy lie ins a lot more. But I am beginning to think once and a while it is ok, but not all the time. However, I know realistically, I am never going to be that person who gets up at 6 or 7am. No way Jose!! Of course when I have a full time job again it will most likely be the case where I have to get up early, so on days off and weekends I want to be up and at them by 9am.

3. Procrastinate less - Kind of a similar theme to the above. Even when I do get up it takes me forever to get anything done for myself. Since returning home for India I have taken a very relaxed approach to life. I needed this time to regroup and figure out what I was going to do. I have to admit I am still not 100% sure about the path I am on but I know that putting things off is also not going to get me anyway fast. Now it is the New Year I need to knuckle down and just do it. No facebook, youtube or afternoon naps to distract me!

4. Be nice - Sometimes I don't think I am the nicest, best version of me that I can be. I have a short fuse and a quick tongue that doesn't always engage with my brain. I often hurt people's feelings because of things that I have said or done and not really meant. I am going to make a full and conscious effort to stop, think and if I can't say anything nice than saying nothing is best. I am also going to be nicer to myself. I am my own worst critic and can be much harsher on myself than others would be.

5.  Be grateful - Simple enough. I want to appreciate what I have and not take it forgranted. Not be materialistic. Use my money wisely and for things that will bring me and others happiness and joy.