Saying Goodbye

For those of you who have not been to Sangam, I will let you into a secret. Sangam has a very important tradition when it comes to saying Goodbye. For those yet to come (hint, hint VISIT ME!!) I will not spoil it.

However, if your visit to Sangam has had any sort of affect on you then the finale when we send you on your way seals the deal – and it can be quite emotional. Why am I telling you this? Well let me go back to the last post I wrote when I updated what I have been up to, which was around a month ago…

My last photo post  was of the Rickshaws which we arranged as a Surprise for the Tare and we all had such a great afternoon learning to drive with Deepak and Raju our favourite Rickshaw drivers up and down the drive within Sangam’s grounds.

 Rickshaw racing

 Deepak and Raju are literally the best and most fun drivers around!

 Sitting like the Indian drivers do - no need for pedals!

This was the end of March and the start of the closing few days for the Tare both the March group and the 12 week group.

 My whole group of Tare (plus Fer, Laura and Chenda)

Honestly, I feel so privileged to have been part of each of their experiences here. Seeing them have such a great time together, the friendships that have been made and I know will have such a lasting effect on them all, then hearing about all the incredible things they were able to achieve at site each day. Each and every little triumph made me smile deep inside because it brought back so many feelings from my experience last year and I know they shared the same joy through being a Tare.

And then they all left…  they all did these amazing presentations to sum up their time here, it made me feel pretty emotional about it all, and then one by one they all went on their way, on the next step of their adventures, travelling around India, Thailand, Europe and then home.  The ‘Sangam Goodbye’ was rolled out one after another, and after lots of hugs I did find myself tearing up when these guys left.

It was so strange and quiet without them. Especially as my days have revolved around their activities, and making sure everyone was happy and healthy here. It felt a bit like my nest was empty – the birds had flown away.

Then it was April, and Sangam was very empty and too  quiet. But we had some fun days planned.

Every year we take the local staff on a “picnic” which is just a Sangam family outing. We decided to stay local, we opted for a movie, lunch and bowling at one of the big local malls. It may not sound like anything out of the ordinary for you lot at home but quite a few of our staff live in the immediate local neighbourhoods. They definitely have good jobs working for Sangam but they are by no means rich. So an all expenses day out to the Mall is a fantastic day for everyone. Highlights for me were watching the ladies riding the escalators in the Mall like it was the Oblivion at Alton Towers. They deserved the round of applause we gave them when they managed to get to the top! It was also really lovely to see the ladies reclining in the VIP seats at the cinema. The film was so shockingly bad it was funny, but everyone seemed to enjoy it none the less. Then we had lunch, followed by bowling. Explaining bowling shoes was interesting, luckily we all bought spare socks, and then the whole principle of throwing this huge ball down a lane to knock down 10 pins, but after a few practices everyone was loving it and we had some great team spirit going – no accidents, and even a whole heap of strikes.

 Me, Rach Shuba and Sangeeta at bowling

 The whole Sangam Family

 

Later that same week we had a big clear out at and got together all the tons of stuff that guests leave with us because they’ve bought too many Indian clothes and souvenirs, and had our annual Community Bazaar. It’s basically a jumble sale and raises money for Sangam – everything was 10 rupees, our local staff got VIP shopping privileges first for about an hour, then the rest of the day was the mayhem of the rest of the community coming into Sangam and buying all our junk. Clothes, shoes, kitchen supplies, toiletries, toys, stationery, furniture, doors, bedding. Literally anything and everything was for sale. It was cool to meet so many of our local staff’s families and neighbours and to see how much they bought! We sold a lot of stuff. Since then we have noticed a few of our things being worn by people when we’ve been out in the neighbourhood which is really cool.

 This is what the Community Bazaar looked like!! Mayhem

Then it was time for lots of evaluating and planning for the staff for all the events coming up next season, and figuring out what worked and what we can improve.

And somehow it was time for GOA!!! Which happily coincided with my 29^th birthday.  We had an awesome sleeper train journey down to Goa, 12 hours made shorter by lots of food, wine and singing every song in the songbook accompanied by Jen on her Guitarelele and making friends with other travelers.

We chilled, on the beach, at the pool, in the bar – spent a fantastic evening at the infamous Night Market on the evening of my birthday and then it was back to sweltering Pune. It was a wonderful break and I’m sure I’ll be going back to Goa again before I leave India, it’s the perfect place to unwind.

Then the sad sad day arrived when it was time to say goodbye to some people that I had made really close friends with. We had already had to say goodbye to my darling friend Chenda,  who was such a shining light of happiness and friendship to everyone but then Fer and Laura were  leaving on the same day.

 When you spend so much time with people every day you start to take their presence for granted, but when these guys left and we had to do “Sangam Goodbye” I couldn’t do it. It was like a massive loss for me, for sure one of the best friends I have in my life was going away and she lived in a country a long long way away. I was totally gutted.

 Love these ladies - Fer and Chenda - best friends and work mates you could want!  I miss you x

I asked the long term staff later that day "how do you get used to saying goodbye to good friends over and over again?" It’s really kind of heartbreaking, living and working here we share so much together. All the highs, lows, happy, funny, amazing things, and then there they are there with kinds words, hugs, chocolate and stories just when you need them most to pick you up after a bad day. You kind of have to accept that saying goodbye is part of the experience and how new things and new people come to be. But it doesn't stop me missing them all like crazy!!

Now we have time to get over all these goodbyes. The last of us still standing will remain and although people keep coming and going we wont be having a “Sangam Goodbye” for a quite a while, which is good because I need time for my heart to get over everyone that has already had to leave.

The reality of having a Love Life

It was my birthday earlier this month (we went to Goa it was amazing) now I'm 29! Fuck! I know where did that come from? In my head I'm still 19! and shock horror I have been single for a good while now, but actually even more shockingly for the rest of the world who seem to be settling down, I have been pretty damn happy about it. In that time I have done a million amazing things all 100% of my choosing and for my own happiness!

My whole adult life I have chosen my own path,  going to college then university then work. I chose who to be friends with, who to like and who to trust and fall in love with. This was all supported by my friends and family whether it all ended good or bad but ultimately it was my decision to make and I am 100% happy with the choices I have made because they were mine. I am, for all intents and purposes, "happy and carefree" and I know for a fact not a lot of 29 year olds can say the same thing, So yes I know, I am lucky.


The reason I am writing this is because I have recently been to an Indian Wedding - which some of you may have seen photos on my facebook. A beautiful bride and her family were kind enough to invite us and let the crazy foreigners go in for a close up and ask a lot of seemingly silly questions about the ceremonies and who does this and that and what it all means. I found it very interesting and really thought provoking. India does this to me.

The bride was 18,  (There is no judgement of her on my part she is a lovely young woman who I wish a very happy life.) I simply keep thinking, "What would I be like at 18 in that situation? She was very composed, she had a team of people to help her get dressed and be in the right place for the blessing, passing her water and holding this and that for her whilst she sat beneath glaringly hot lights while a camera man filmed the whole thing so people she barely knew could sit and watch from all over the huge outdoor venue. She walked behind her husband to be, her dupatta tied to his scarf, eyes cast down, seven times around the fire and then they were married. From what I could see, she was everything a good, obedient bride should be.

Firstly I know I have been raised completely differently. In fact Indian parents would have hated 18 year old me, I was disobedient, independent, opinionated, a pain in the arse (my mum would say). I was by no means a rebel, I was much more subtle, but like most UK 18 year olds I did what I wanted, and I wanted to get out in the world, with my friends, with boys, doing everything and anything I could think of that was new and fun. That was definitely never going to include getting married. I can only imagine most Indian 18 year olds are  like this too, right? So why is getting married at 18 on the cards for them and not for us?

The legal age for marriage in the UK is 16!! No one should get married at 16 in my opinion, I don't know how many kids actually do, but I definitely wouldn't advise any young person to do it.  I digress!
In India the legal age is 18 for women and 21 for men, but there is a much more obvious child marriage problem in India, (not to say it doesn't happen in UK, but it is less prevelent) and actual children some not yet reaching double figures are married off to much older men, for reasons of dowry, family honour, poverty, generally girls are not highly valued members of a family or society in general. Having daughters is seen as a costly business, their weddings funds are started up as soon as they are born and in the end what is it all for?
(I really don't understand either why men have a three year wait untl 21, just another glaringly obvious gender equality issue)

So what about love? A good number of marriages for young people in India are arranged by their families.  I have no clue how an 18 year old (with an 18 year old's mentality) agrees to be with one person for the rest of their adult life who has been chosen by their parents and looks ok after one meeting or on paper. There are so many questions I know I can't answer here but I am going to ask them anyway because I keep thinking them. For example; How do you marry someone you're not in love with? Ok so this idea of Love is a very modern western concept, but it's one we are very attached too. In recent British history people married for convenience, wealth, status, it was hardly ever about love. But how does that relationship work? How do you try to develop feelings of Like for someone under the pressure of I'm going to have to marry and live with them anyway? We all grow up, both in the UK, India, the whole world now learning about Love, finding someone who loves you, respects you, but also someone you want to be with, spend time, have things in common, someone who can make you laugh, makes you feel good, makes you happy!
 What parent is comfortable arranging this for their child? Do they really know best?

I think the question for me is? Would I be happy for my parents to produce someone one day because I am still single, who they believe is the best match for me and to arrange for us to get married? Not only that, but would I allow it? Hell No!!!
I don't have that kind of relationship with my family that I believe facilitates this. That is not a bad thing. I don't need my family to be dictating my life. They gave birth to me, but do not own me.  I think that is a point of difference in our cultures where I know familiy relationships are seen as unbreakable ties.

On the other side of this cultural divide I have seen first hand what pressure from one's family can do. How it can force you to make decisions you don't feel you want or should have to make. Family ties being severed for life or an ecrutiating long and lonely time because they don't believe in the way you want to live your life, or the choice in job, lifestyle or partner. And then there is the heartbreak of not being able to disagree or disobey your family's will and the losses you have to suffer on your own instead. Maybe agreeing to an arrangement to keep the peace?!

I know I couldn't do it. Firsly admit to my parents I need their help to find me someone suitable. Ok yes I've not done the best job so far, but everyone makes mistakes. Therefore the reality of my love life is I am 29, and I'm happy I didn't get married at 18, or to my first or any of the subsequent boyfriendseither.
 I am also a sucker for Love and I know that the only time I will say yes to getting married (if at all) is if there is one person I Love and want to be with for the rest of my life. It might not go down in conversation very well in India, but sorry people that's the truth.

Silent Sunday

Photos of the FUN!!!!

By request of someone not my Didi... You know who you are. :D I have been taking photos, just not my own. For the events here at Sangam we have a wonderful fancy camera that I actually love using, and love capturing special moments for the guests here.
I can't put pics of the guests up, but I can share those of the community partners and me and my friends here.
As part of this last event which was Arts Exchange, we had a fantastic celebration evening, with 3 community partners all our guests and staff and we also celebrated Holi....(holi pics were taken very randomly with the waterproof camera without being able to see what was on the screen, I'm impressed they turned out so good!)
Hope you like...

 Some of the girls from the school who learned about songwriting, wrote a song and performed it for us.

 Mummy Cambodia (aka Chenda) dressing Baby Cambodia (aka Srey Loch) in her traditional Camay costume.

 The beautiful MaLau in sari

 Manjusha got persuaded to wear a stunning sari for the occasion by Amanti - both lovely girls

 Izzy dancing with one of the girls from Maher

 Everybody loves to dance at the party

 Girls doing crazy spinning

 Mina and me wanted to try some crazy spinning.

 and no we didn't fall over

 MaLau blending in with the local girls from from Green Tara Foundation.

 Food time, we got dosa made fresh and by this guy!! Made super fast and so tasty

 Pani puri!! Best street food around

 Boys from Maher dancing with one of our local staff ladies Shoba

And now for Holi... This is the before photo of Chenda and Fer... look at the dazzling white

 colour gets thrown

 and sprinkled and rubbed in your hair, face, clothes...basically everywhere then people throw water at you

 Rach got a bit of green in her mouth...yum spinach flavour

 the whole crew

 me and Manjusha had a face wash... it was getting a bit icky

and when it was time to eat everyone wanted to wipe their mouths on my still white in places tshirt. And the after shot with both Chenda and Fer covered in colour.

Forgetfulness

Hey Didi... Guess what? I'm in INDIA.
Yes I know you know this, I've been here for nearly 3 months (how is it that long already?) and I promise I'm not bragging. But I really do sometimes just forget that this is not the same place I have always lived, that it is some other far flung country and that India is so so different to home.

Didi you know this from living here, but some of you don't realise that I work in a bubble. Sangam is a bubble which contains the whole world within its walls and nearly everything you could need to be happy here. Sangam could be on the moon and everyone would forget that they were somewhere other than just Sangam. It is its own unique multicultural country within a country - like the Vatican but much more liberal towards everything especially women! haha
And to show this likeness below we have our Sangam Last supper interpretation... this photo is for a competition but I wanted to share :)

Anyway the point of this blog... for much of my work time, I am based within the walls of Sangam. Which I love, we have heaps of fun stuff happening and work here during events is very busy... as my work at the moment is primarily with community programme I also get to explore more of the local community and share in this exploration of India with the Tare.
Being in Sangam so much I have begun to forget that the great diversity of India is right outside the gate. So on Wednesday we had a fun day out to visit Alandi and the temple there,  a town which is about 10km away, Toulapour which has another temple and a great view of the rivers that meet there, and also Ishawari a Women's Cooperative group, home, community centre, bakery, restaurant, farm, classroom and everything else to help provide skills and a place to learn and belong for women living within a rural indian setting.

It was while in the six seater rickshaw back from Ishwari that I realised I was beginning to forget I am in India and that I should try and remember the little things  and see how different and unique the whole of Indian life and culture really is and try to share this more.

I was sitting in a rickety, bouncy, loud rickshaw chugging along the most potholed road I have ever been across. The hot and fragrant air blowing around us, dusty red-brown earth and crop fields green and yellow. Huge trees with vines dangling, painted red and white striped along the roadside (why painted this way no one can quite answer) but it's a regular sight on the roadside as you travel, as is the amount of litter which is strewn everywhere whether in the city or country there is no part of the landscape where plastic and rubbish can't be seen, so much so that you begin to see it as part of the natural landscape and become complacent in the fact that no, it has not always been there and nor should it remain.

As we were bumping along, laughing at how crazy the ride was becoming boys and girls were getting out of school, the girls always look pristine in their uniforms, often white dupattas on their shoulders and matching ribbons in their long sleek perfectly groomed hair. I often marvel at how anyone keeps their clothing white in this country that is forever dusty. People think we get a tan from being in the sun, its not a tan its a layer of dust.  I had this thought that if one of the  many Hindu Gods should blow over all of India, the already bright colours, beautiful buildings, markets, people and life here would all get this  layer of dust removed and become even more alive and vibrant. I don't think my senses could cope with even more colours, sounds and noises, so maybe this muted india with its dust cover is for the best.

The boys walking home always seem so rowdy, joking and calling out to us and the other girls, being a nuisance and causing mischief, there were some older teens sitting 3 and 4 astride motorbikes as they overtook our rickshaw along the road. Buffalo carts are still a common sight  pulling their loads of crops, fruit, veg, a family and anything and everything their owners need to transport. There is no limit to the possibilities of what indians will and can transport on the back of a seemingly impossibly small vehicle, whether it be a bike, a cart or a car. 'The greater the challenge the better' is the motto I feel suits them best. I have seen whole families, front doors, windows, wardrobes, laundry and a washing machine all on the back of various motorbikes!

Roadside cafes  that are nothing more than a couple of corregated sheet walls and a tarp with a make shift cooker and plastic garden furniture but somehow make the tastiest dishes.

There are often cow pats perfectly round made by families living in rural areas on the road side drying in the sun to use as fuel for the fire. Lorries overtake us with a loud honk and whoosh past us, covered in decorative designs, and with a unique and bizarre horn sound - and as they fly by you see the standard "Horn Ok Please" painted beautifully on the rear.

While at the temple there were several older ladies sitting sari clad and cross legged on the ground surrounded by baskets of fresh ripe fruit, papaya, guava, chickoo, grapes, strawberries and watermelon all home grown and sweet and soft and waiting for us to taste them. Chickoo is one of my favourite, kind of like a fig or date, sticky sweet and almost malty to taste (think malt loaf in a fruit..YUM)
Strawberries are a summer tradition at home but I've never tasted strawberries as sweet as they are here and such a bright ruby red colour and so cheap to buy a punnet or two.

We walk bare foot into the temple in Alandi, I am a shoe lover, so it took some time at first to get used to no shoes, but now its just a way of life. We pil our shoes outside the temple steps, minded by a street vendor. The floor inside is cool and well worn from thousands of pilgrims feet, then out in the courtyard the sun heats the stones so that we have to run on tiptoes across to the entrance so not to burn our delicate feet, not used to the wear and tear of life on our soles like the locals visiting here.
The temple seems loud and crowded, many people are coming to worship here. We all walk in a clockwise direction as is the ritual in Hindu temples. The saint that the temple is dedicated to is said to have entombed himself beneath the ground here at age 16, when he felt his divine duty was achieved, and the main shrine of the temple is the place where he is thought to lie and where his spirit and energy emanates from the most. It is a very spiritual place and I have visited the temple before amongst a throng of devotees chanting, which only adds to the powerful feeling of oneness and inclusion that I always feel within Hindu temples. The indian people are happy for us to be involved in their devotions to their gods and saints, ushering us through to the inner sanctum but quickly hurrying us along again as other people push to gain entrance to the tiny room where they place flowers, sweets, coconut and milk onto a flat stone, touching various points of the room and bowing down low to the shrine inside.

Outside the temple there are ghats (steps) down to the river where people are washing, literally having their daily baths dunking beneath the water which is a source of life, death and cleanliness to all in India, others are doing laundry, ladies laying out their sari on the steps to dry in the intense midday sun. Flies fly everywhere, mosquitos too reminding us that the water is not as fresh or clean as the people bathing make it seem. A woman stands at the waters edge, stoops down with a water vessel, scoops up the water then picks it up in a swift motion and balances it perfectly on her head and walks off on her way without a hesitation or misstep or drop of water.

People in India continue to amaze me, as do the things I see each day when I remember to go outside, pop the Sangam bubble and appreciate the diversity, the new things in the world and thechance to immerse myself in this totally different culture.

Tomorrow we are going to Imagica... a Theme Park, in India. A brand new unexplored cultural experience. I am sure I will a lot more to say on this topic too and get to see and appreciate India in a whole new way!

Any other duties as required...

So many of my friends and family ask me what my work entails, and it is such a hard question to answer. Just recently Bron the programme coordinator and I have been carrying out Skype interviews for Sangam Volunteers for the next season and the most frequently asked question of us was "What is a typical day like for a volunteer?" and the simplest answer is "there isn't one". Even though the events we run follow a pretty similar structure you can never know what your day will involve and that is why I like my job so much. It requires a lot of flexibility and adaptability, and my fave thing which is just "winging it" Going with the flow and just see what happens!!

Sangam is a constant hive of activity. Guests and participants coming and going, check ins and flag ceremony followed by the evening welcome ceremony. Neighbourhood walk, Wadi & Pune Challenge all to help our guests get to know their Indian surroundings, trips to Laxmi Road to get sari, punjabi, bangles, bindis and more, visits to community partners to see how they work and maybe a project with them or a Children's Fun Day and this is just what the guests get to do. Until I became a staff member I took forgranted how much planning and organisation the schedules, activities, events and meal times all take. It is hard work but when it all comes together and you see how much the participants are enjoying, learning and smiling together it is totally worth it.

My "role" is Programme Intern - which has two capacities. The first is working with Mina and running the Community Programme. Making sure the Tare are happy, learning, sharing and living as Sangam residents for an extended period of time, also planning activities and sessions to enrich their experience here and also making sure they represent Sangam to the best of their abilities at the different communities. It's a lot of fun and very rewarding and so far I have had 15 women from all over the world and from various walks and stages in their lives take part in the programme. They have all been fabulous and interesting and sometimes a challenge for me to work with but I have enjoyed hearing their stories from their communities and how much they love working there each day and seeing their confidence and leadership skills grow and develop and the friendships they have forged with each other.
 The second part of my job is the other part of "programme" also running the events with the other staff, planning then leading a variety of sessions from Wagggs related sessions on Leadership and advocacy, group games, Sangam or pune tours and figuring out who does what and when on the schedule. The variety is endless.

We often joke that the main part of our job description comes at the end of our list of tasks which as the title of this blog suggests is "Any other duties as required."
Any other duties covers anything and everything at Sangam. I greet guests who arrive sometimes at 2.30am in the morning with a smile and a welcome. I help set the tables for dinner, set up videos for Bollywood films, put up Badminton nets for Indian afternoon, move tables and chairs to the campground for ceremonies outside, (attempt to) help guests get dressed up in sari, chat to everyone about their day during Chai, sell souvenirs from the Sangam shop, ask countless questions on Sangam, India, Guiding, sign people's Sangam Challenge books when they have completed a challenge and so much more and it is all part of my job.

Some of the more interesting things under this title that I have done this week include....

Being asked to spontaneously lead a group of 40 teenage Indian Girl Guides in songs and games for an hour, half of the time was me and Katrine sharing with them, the other 30 minutes they shared activities with us.

This all occurred because we were holding a World Thinking Day Event at Sangam and we had predicted around 400 Scouts and Guides would be attending. We had 15 pairs of participants ready to lead the groups but in the end over 520 guides and their leaders were in attendance. Our group enjoyed some English songs with us, then wanted to share songs and dances they had prepared. I also thought it would be fun to get the guides to teach us some of the dance moves which they were more than happy to do, it was great fun and even 14 year olds like doing the Hokey Cokey in India!

In the afternoon Sangam was holding a Google Hangout to celebrate World Thinking Day with people all over the world. We linked up with Our Chalet in Switzerland to see what they were doing with their participants and also what they had been doing to support the MDG theme of Universal Primary Education. I had been asked only the day before if I would speak about my time as a Communty Programme Participant so again I "winged it" and spoke LIVE on the internet for a couple of minutes about how important I believe education to be and what I saw and learned in India whilst working in a local community school this time last year. If you would like to see the Live hangout which we recorded the link is here. It was a really cool thing to do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_ODzKR2j3s&feature=share&t=4m34s

As part of this event for World Thinking Day we held a Charity Auction, of which one of my duties included helping to sort all the donated prizes. The Auction was a huge success and everyone enjoyed it and raised a lot of money for Sangam on the night.
Some of this went towards a surprise for everyone which happened today. In fact she arrived this morning with a jingling bell which I heard from my bedroom, I ran down to the campground to see a beautiful Indian Elephant named Roopa making herself at home.
The two guys caring for her let us feed her bananas and carrots before she got undressed, well her harness and seat got removed and she had a long drink and a shower.

It was pretty amazing to think we had organised for a real live elephant to come to Sangam and that I could spend my morning off with her, helping her have a bath. Then in the afternoon as part of the Indian afternoon session I took photos as the participants got to see her, pet her and ride her. I also got first ride alongside Fer.(Photos to follow from the sangam camera.)

All in all its a pretty awesome job even if I find it hard to explain what it is I do. I get to meet heaps of new people, try a million new things all the all in the heart of the Sangam Family in beautiful surroundings and with some of the most inspiring women in Guiding.
It's an ideal situation even with "any other duties as required!"